Thursday, April 28, 2005

REVIEW OF 'BAND OF BROTHERS'

BY IKE TURNER

This is some bullshit, y'all. There ain't no brothers up in this motherfucker! I watched two hours of this shit and didn't see me no brothers, and wasn't nobody singing shit. All these white motherfuckers was jumping and screaming they fool heads off. Band of Brothers my motherfucking ass! They should've called it 'Bunch of White Motherfuckers'.

First off, Easy Company is a cool ass name for a group, kind of like Hues Corporation or some shit. I ain't gonna debate on that. So Jeanette, she Mrs. Ike, she says Easy Company wasn't no band, they was elite paratroopers or some shit. I said, where the hell you hear this? Jus' listen, she says, they was like the 506th regiment of the 101st Airborne Division. I said, Bitch, where the fuck did you hear this? That must be ALL she knew about it, 'cause she said she made some catfish and was I was hungry? Goddamn right I'm hungry, I tell her. Look, I know about World War 2, you dig; I seen 'Platoon'. These motherfucker's thing was freeing the Jews from slavery in Germany, what we all know as the Hologram.

Now I try not to have preconclusions, 'cause I know that you can't believe movies, after the way they did me in that bullshit movie about Tina. Disney told me to sign some papers and they'd give me $50,000. I thought they were going to make an Ike Turner cartoon, like Mickey Mouse but funky as a motherfucker. Turns out I signed away my right to sue they asses! So, like I say, I don't believe too much of what I see in movies, 'cause Germany might've been high on crack and not known what they was signing, you dig?

Now from what I understand, Steven Spielberg and Forrest Gump made this motherfucker. Now they got some success and women be pullin' on 'em and people be givin' 'em cocaine. Ike knows this, Ike's been there. But they better get shit straight. On the real, Forrest oughta know, Life's a box that needs some fuckin' chocolate! They gotta get their Ike on! Put me up in that motherfucker! Course I can't handle no guns, though, with my parole. So I'll take them Nazis with Karate or my belt or some shit. Listen up, Steve and Forrest, or you can kiss ALL the black off my ass. This ain't no band of brothers. Earth Wind & Fire. The Commodores, that's a band of brothers, y'all. Even if they don't play they instruments, it'd be a band of brothers if they was related, like the Jackson 5, or the Isley Brothers, or the Doobie Brothers. But hear me, and you best feel me when I tell you--call me, bring Ike out in front of them cameras and handle shit proper. Because otherwise, straight the fuck up, I will give you two thumbs upside your fool heads, and you can believe that.

'Band of Brothers' is now available in a special edition 6-DVD set

13 Comments:

Blogger The Cheese Monkey said...

Standing up. Appppplauding.

Well done, old boy.

2:02 PM  
Blogger hobodogblogger said...

You got dat right. Tell it!

11:14 PM  
Blogger Monstercow said...

that some motherfucking funny shit bro....

2:58 PM  
Blogger Feckin Eejit said...

well shit.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Jimbo said...

Preach!

4:50 AM  
Blogger All Cretans Are Liars said...

That post was kind of racist, yo.

7:38 PM  
Blogger TAINT ME said...

BRILLIANT

9:34 PM  
Blogger Brian said...

Power to the people!

12:26 PM  
Blogger ces said...

genius

8:48 AM  
Blogger ces said...

genius

8:48 AM  
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